Not to Dee

Well I am sitting here and it's almost midnight. And the ever nagging question that keeps popping in my mind, popped again. It is not a question; it’s more of a choice actually.

My preference to that choice changes now and then, and the criteria on which it changes, changes as well. And then it changes once more.

You are lost, right? lol

I know sometimes I am lost as well; I am lost in my choice.

To Dee or Not to Dee?

To be me or to just go with the flow?

Believe me it is not a matter of an identity crisis.

I know because at one time I freaked out and went to a therapist. That therapist is a much respected man in his profession. And what do you know! I may have many problems but I do not have a problem with my Identity.
He said and I quote; " Ya benti ( my daughter in a lovely gesture, he is not really my father, and I do not think he is that old anyway lol) your problem is far away from your identity circle, actually you know yourself very well and you value your identity"

Just to keep you in the loop, he analyzed my situation in a graph. The graph consisted of many circles within each other. The core was the identity and that’s the basis. Then the habits circle. Then the actions circle. And finally the outer circle of the environment.

Having said that let me continue with my dilemma :)

So one of my basic problems is me handling my environment; how I react with it. Thus, To Dee or not to Dee. Should I show my true colors? And risk the vulnerability. Or should I wear an appropriate mask? Appropriate for the occasion to shield me from hurt.

Tonight, my choice is Not to Dee.

Tonight I need all my defences and I need the strength of Super Dee; the cold unfeeling Dee. The Dee that can look you in the eyes and say, who gives a shit!

Excuse my frensh lol